Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Dom/sub Relationship as a Marriage/Partnership Part Three

Our favorite "cutest sub ever", Kat, is our blogger today. I gave her the same questions and she answered with honesty, humor and the little touch of adorability that we've come to expect from her.

I think you'll like her view of the Dom/sub relationship as a marriage/partnership just as much as I did. Even The Dom said "Awww."


1. When did you know that you wanted to be a Dom/sub?

I was 17 when my then girlfriend asked me quite bluntly ‘You are a
sub, aren’t you? I went all defensive not knowing what it really
meant, afraid that she had insulted me somehow... but she introduced
me to a Dom she knew and he was very indulgent with me answering the
thousand questions I had and couldn’t find answers to in the internet.
After a while he gave me the task to write an essay about myself what
I want in life, what I want to feel, how I feel about myself and so
He agreed to take me on in training if I was able to answer his
questions to his satisfaction. In writing this essay I was forced to
face myself, to think about myself, to reflect and to consider what I
wanted. Shortly after my 18th birthday I started training with him. It
was difficult at times, confusing, terrifying of sorts but also
liberating. I was forced to face some truths about myself and in doing
so I was able to find my true self, to find a person under all this
layers I never knew that was there before. With every day I trained
with him, every praise, every posture I learned, with every
understanding I found I learned more about myself and I learnded to
embrace the person I am – I am a submissive and I am happy and proud
to be.

2. What is your take on Doms and subs who are also partners outside of a scene?

In my early years as sub I wanted to play, I wanted to submit, serve
and over all have fun in what I did. I guess I was too young to be
serious about a relationship and the thought of a commitment terrified
me. I went to clubs, I played with different Doms but there was no one
I wanted to be with on a more permanent basis. I guess I was
But I met a lot of different people during that time and I met Doms
and their subs who were in loving relationships and I started to
wonder. I wanted to know more about the connection they had, about
their love and understanding and I started to become more open towards
the thought of a relationship with a Dom outside the scene. I changed
my opinion from ‘no way, never’ to ‘this is something I want’. I
started to see more clearly what was between them  because you can
notice when a Dom and his sub have a relationship in ‘real life’ too,
you can see that there is a deeper connection and  understanding
between them.
When I started out with my former Dom I began to imagine how it would
be to be his 24/7, to live with him, to serve and care for him, to be
protected, loved and cared for by him. I liked the thought of being
his only sub, the only one to receive all the gentle care and
affection, to be the only one he flogged, whipped and played with. It
was wonderful, fulfilling and until he passed away a very balanced and
happy relationship.

3. When did you know that you wanted your Dom/sub to become your partner?

When I came to live with Sir and Lucas, who is Sir’s other sub, I was
too hurt and scared to even think about a new relationship. I needed
time to heal and Sir knew that and he gave me the perfect balance
between his rules and expectations and my need for freedom. I’ve been
staying with Sir and my fellow sub Lucas for two years which were good
years of learning, healing and generally growing as a sub, when I
noticed a change in Sir’s affection towards me. I had started to fall
in love with him at the end of our first scene together which took
place a year after I came to live with Sir.
It took us a little bit longer to admit to our feelings but I had
known and hoped for quite a while that I was supposed to be his sub
together with Lucas. When Sir finally told me he loved me and collared
me that was the happiest day of my life...
(LOL I’m crying here... *happy tears*)

4. What do you think is the biggest difference between a D/s
marriage/partnership and one between two people who aren't in the

Pheww.... that’s difficult for me to say, I really don’t know much
about “normal” relationships I never had one before. I guess in a D/s
relationship you have a much deeper connection, the whole relationship
is based on a trust; you have a connection and understanding which
runs really deep. As a sub you know where you are standing because you
have a clear definition of your role in the relationship, you know
exactly what is expected. I give myself completely over to Sir and he
cherishes the trust I give him by giving me his protection.
It’s something you are missing in a non-D/s relationship... so I think
the difference lies in the basic understanding how the relationship is

5. What about the collaring commitment ceremony? How was yours
different from a wedding?

I’ve been to some collaring ceremonies before, some were huge events,
some were smaller and more private, and some Doms presented their
subs, showed how wonderfully they submitted. But all of them took the
collaring ceremony very seriously and all of them were so proud of
their subs. In my opinion this is one of the best parts of the
ceremony when you can see how happy the Dom is to collar his sub
forever, how proud he is that this man or woman who they resolve their
life around now finally and forever agreed to become his.
I loved my collaring ceremony I could talk hours about it, it was so
great, the happiest day of my life. I always start crying when I think
about it.

(don’t laugh Vic!!!)

I wanted something small and simple, just Sir, Lucas and me. Sir had
me kneel in the living room, showed me my collar and then told me what
it meant for us, that it's a symbol of our commitment to each other,
of respect, trust and love, that this collar means that we will be
together for a lifetime. As he said during the ceremony 'I take you on
as mine, to protect you, love you, cherish you, care for you, I'll
give you the freedom you search by enabling you to give me your
submission. You make me stronger by giving me your strength, trust,
love and I feel honoured to take it'. It was so wonderful because it
was like us becoming one for all times.
Sir takes this very seriously for him collaring a sub for a lifetime
is like marrying him or her, that’s why Lucas and I are also wearing a
ring Sir gave us. Mine matches my collar and symbolizes that I am not
only Sir’s sub but also his wife.

Is there anything else that you want to say about this matter?
Not really, I am happy :)

Happy Spankingz!

The Dom


  1. Cute! I liked reading your answers. :)

  2. Kat, sweet little sis, that was such a beautiful post. I'm so happy for all three of you. *Hugs!*


Bend over and take the spanking!