Thursday, April 26, 2012

The Dom's Dom

"Every Dom has a Dom. It's just a fact of the Lifestyle. It's that person who helps that Dom stay grounded. Helps the Dom fulfill the part of him that maybe he wouldn't have fulfilled. We know that there are a few subs out there who don't know what it is to take care of another person. They can barely take care of themselves. As Doms we take care of them, but we often go without. We need to feel like we're taken cared of at times. We need someone to make us do something. To order us to take care of ourselves or even to allow someone to make love to us. This is why there are so many threesome D/s couples. With two Doms and a sub. One of those Doms is the Dom to the other and their relationship is very much more of a partnership than anything else, whereas they are both Doms to the sub. This way the Doms are assured that both parts of themselves are being taken cared of and not just one part while the other part withers away and dies."-Jerome, Dom

This is definitely something that I've been thinking about for the last three months or so. The fact that every Dom essentially needs someone who will take care of him, be it another Dom, a sub, or even someone not in the Lifestyle who's just there for them. There's a huge misconception floating around, in books, movies, and by word of mouth that Doms are these big, burly men with huge muscles who are always take charge and are always in control. Doms are almost unfeeling, hard, immovable in their beliefs. They are hard and badass and only show any type of true emotion or weakness when dealing with children and their sub(s).

Well, as a Dom myself, I can tell you that that's not true. I've met lots of Doms throughout the years, some of them are almost cookie cutter images of what the romance books make them out to be. Still others are every day guys who laugh, have fun, maybe they don't even look like a Dom, but in the bedroom they are inevitably the one who takes control (which doesn't always mean that someone's being tied up, spanked, flogged, or gagged either). Sometimes these men are only Doms in the bedroom and out in the "real world" they need guidance themselves.

It happens, it's reality, it's their truth.

It doesn't make these men any less than the Dom that they are, but it makes them a Dom who needs a Dom.

And then there are Doms who like to give and receive anal sex. They are tops and bottoms. They are the ones who don't mind being fucked up against the wall, just like they don't mind fucking someone else up against a wall. They wouldn't call themselves Versatiles, they still consider themselves Doms, they are just Doms who need a Dom, and if their sub is a pure bottom? That's where that third person comes in.

While talking to Jamie (Jerome's sub) and friends and family members who know me best, this is one issue that continues to arise. When and how is the Dom taken care of when he devotes most of his time to making sure that his sub(s) are taken cared of? Does the sub step in to take care of him or does the Dom inevitably go without?

Is it possible for a Dom to need a Dom and if so, does that take away from that Dom being a Dom to his sub?

I say no. What do you say?

Happy Spankingz!

The Dom

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

T-Toys: Fuck Me Silly! and Alternate Toy

Hello all of you subs, Doms and those of you who just like talking about sex, games, toys and are intrigued by BDSM.

Things have been super busy for The Dom, but I promise, promise, promise that I will endeavor to try and post a lot more frequently than I have been.


I did want to take a quick moment though and tell you guys about this hot new toy on the market that I just found. I have hand a chance to try it out just yet, and unlike the ones that I usually tell you about, this one is not all. But from what I've's more of an investment than anything.

It's called Fuck Me Silly! Mia Isabella.

Fuck Me Silly! Mia IsabellaShe's priced at $598.49 but when I saw this toy the first thing that jumped in my head was "Hmmm....that looks like it could possibly be fun." LOL.

And for those of you who are maybe not so much into the whole 2-in-1 thing, I've got an alternative toy for you:

Manbound Over Door Sex Sling This one is priced at $56.85 and I don't know if I'm the only one, but I've always found those sex swings very fascinating. It's like having fun and having sex all at the same time.

Which was what they were going for.

I found these toys over at: Adult Sex Toys and while it's not my favorite site: Adam & Eve it is still a pretty damn hot site.

Have fun all!

Happy Spankingz!

The Dom

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Saturday, February 4, 2012

I hadn't planned on blogging about this on Poker, Sex, Doms and Toys. Had instead intended to raise my voice on other blogs and leave it at that. However, in a conversation with an old friend of mine, he asked me when was I planning to give up my dream of trying to change the world. I told him that I'd give up that dream when change was no longer needed.

In light of that conversation I knew that I couldn't be quiet about this. Especially not with it being Black History Month and a time when many people recognize those who gave their lives fighting for equal rights for everyone. This is certainly a human rights issue, because this isn't just about writers, if same-sex romance in books makes these people "uncomfortable" then those of us who engage in same-sex relationships and identify as part of the rainbow makes them "uncomfortable" as well. And who knows how long it will be before someone says that BDSM makes them "uncomfortable" and books with interracial relationships makes them "uncomfortable"? Romance will return to being about heterosexual, Caucasian couples engaging in intercourse in the missionary position only, with the man being a "bodice ripper" and "forcefully persuading" the woman into sleeping with him. With that truth ringing in your mind I encourage you to read the blog (and yes, I know I can talk, but trust me this is an important one) and then sign the petition, by following the link below.

This is a portion of a blog post from Heidi Cullinan:

– Note: MTM will no longer accept same-sex entries in any category.

from the contest rules for the More Than Magic contest hosted by Romance Writers Ink Chapter of RWA

It’s taken me several days to be able to write this blog post, and the worst part of it is that my job isn’t done with this. As president of the Rainbow Romance Writers, RWA’s chapter for LGBT chapter, it’s my job to address the situation. I intend to, but I admit, at this point I keep reading that above line and feeling heavy and tired and depressed. I try to tell myself it’s because I’ve been felled by a pretty impressive cold for over a week and that it’s what’s making me tired. It’s a good story, and I wish I could buy it. But the bald truth is that I read that line, and every time it just hurts all over again.

The membership of RRW has been braver than me. Several members have emailed to ask why the change; one member got a reply. She was told it was a hard decision, but some members of the chapter felt “uncomfortable” with same-sex entries. That word keeps resonating too. Uncomfortable.

Well, I have to say, RWI. Discrimination makes me pretty uncomfortable too.

I just can’t get over the balls of stating, right there in black and white on a freaking website, “no same-sex entries.” No Irish need apply. Whites only. Pick your discriminatory phrase and insert it right there, because they all fit. Does that seem harsh? Probably only if you’re not gay or passionate about the rights of LGBT persons.

Here’s the truth. LGBT romance is growing more and more every day, but don’t let anyone try and delude you it’s anywhere but at the more sunlit alleys in the ghetto of the publishing world. Despite our very good sales within our digital-first houses, we aren’t even on the map for most New York publishers. Anyone within the genre knows too that LGBT romance gets plenty of flack from LGBT literary. It’s the same fight mainstream romance has with the mainstream lit fic genre (much like snotty religions, they don’t think they’re a genre, just the True Disciples of Book) except LGBT romance gets some nice kicks in the teeth for having straight women in the room. I’d point out a whole hell of a lot of us are bi, but if you know anything about arguments within the alphabet soup, you know that gets a lot of sneers too.

So it’s nothing short of a fine slice across the hand to be skimming through places LGBT romances might submit entries for contests, trying to get more exposure and out of the ghetto—this one is for published books and last year an m/m novel won—only to find a big fat NO GAYS sign.

When I asked about this, I was told the board made a ruling on same-sex entries in contests and said basically that chapters could make their own judgments based on genre. The heading of the issue was labeled “same-sex entries in contests,” so there’s no question this is the clause that made RWI feel they could pop that line I opened with onto their website, sigh in relief, and move on with their day. Make no mistake. RWA national said this is kosher.

Do you?

I of course don't agree with this policy. In light of this being not just a GLBTQ issue, but a discrimination issue, I knew that I had to speak up. Much as others before me spoke up and marched and protested when faced with discrimination, bigotry and racism.

Here was my response on the petition that I signed:

There was a time in this country when people were “uncomfortable” with Native Americans and so they were forced onto a reservation, this was of course after they killed off as many of them as they could.

Then the time came when people were “uncomfortable” with blacks and so they were enslaved, many of them died on their way towards their enslavement, but their lives were of no account to those who were "uncomfortable" with their presence on Earth. When those blacks were emancipated, there were some people who were “uncomfortable” with sharing the same water fountains and bathrooms and counters with them, so "Separate but Equal" was created and these black people were given separate facilities, separate schools, separate everything to use, oftentimes they were of lesser quality, almost deteriorating in their upkeep, but the people who were "uncomfortable" with them, didn't feel bad about it, because at least *they* weren't "uncomfortable" anymore.

Interracial relationships made people "uncomfortable" so it was made illegal. The schools being integrated made people uncomfortable, so there were riots, protests, and those who tried to integrate those segregated schools received death threats and were attacked. This country has endured protests, lynchings, violence and riots because people felt “uncomfortable” with something that was “different.” Some ultra conservative, some racist, some bigoted person felt “uncomfortable” so people were denied their unalienable rights to love, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

I am an African American, transgender male homosexual and I am an author of GLBTQ romance. I didn’t join RWA at first, because honestly, I didn’t see blacks in many mainstream romance novels as main characters, and I sure as hell didn’t see any gays in those positions. When I began to see authors sneaking them in I began to have some faith that maybe, just maybe, mainstream romance had recognized that there was nothing “wrong” or “disgusting” or “immoral” about gay romance. Romance is just romance. Plain and simple.

End of story.

To say that *romance* makes “romance writers” uncomfortable not only baffles my mind, it breaks my heart, because it’s just like *people* saying that other “people” make them uncomfortable and we see what happened when that happened before in history (ie, the Holocaust, slavery, Darfur, etc.). The RWA shouldn’t just feel ashamed, they should feel as if they have committed an egregious error not just against members of the GLBTQ community but against all romance readers and people in general by letting this decision stand. Bigotry, discrimination, and homophobia in any form is not to be tolerated from anyone. If we are going to be "uncomfortable" by anything, we should be "uncomfortable" by those things. 

So I am giving you all the link to go and raise your voice with the rest of us in the face of this situation. Whether you're a reader or a writer of GLBTQ or "traditional" romance, this is an issue that affects all of us that love to read about people falling in love. Those of us that are excited by the idea and the prospect of romance and passion and desire.

This is for those of us who believe that love is love.

Sign The Petition Here

-The Dom

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Hot off the Presses: Book one of The Dom series: Mark Me (the “hot as frack cover”)

Hot off the Presses: Book one of The Dom series: Mark Me (the “hot as frack cover”)

Holy FRACK Batman!!!! LC Chase has done it again! This cover is so hot that I keep fanning myself…..and needing to take a moment alone. *Snickers*
And since the book is all about Sex, Doms and Toys (and yes, they even play poker at some point), I figure that this is the perfect place to do a bit of book promo. I will let you all know when the book goes live.
Where these gorgeous men came from I don’t know but yeah, this is the cover for book one of The Dom series, entitled “Mark Me”, and because I’m so excited I’m going to give you all the entire unedited first chapter of the book.
Aren’t you excited?
So enjoy the boys and the story.
- "The Dom" 

Mark Me
Chapter One
“Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law.-Boethius
Vicktor let his eyes drift over the smoky room again.  He simultaneously admired and rejected the scores of beautiful, willing men who were all anxiously vying for his attention.  None of them appealed to him.  At least not on any level past a purely lustful one.  Normally, that wouldn’t be an issue for him.  He hadn’t obtained his reputation for being a “hit and run” type of man if it hadn’t been an accurate depiction of his life, but dammit, he was almost thirty-five and it was time to settle down, time to finally find the one man that he was going to let finally catch him.  In a manner of speaking.  The bar was always full on Saturday nights, but tonight it seemed to be bursting at the seams.  Unfortunately for him, that meant that there was not only more of the twinks hoping that he would choose one or more of them, but there seemed to be a lot more competition in the air.  Other men who wanted to prove that they were better, stronger, sexier, more manly than he.  They lost…they always lost…but he always let them play.  Well…almost always.  Tonight he wasn’t looking to play.  Tonight he was looking to win.  He was an Alpha male on a hunt to find what was his and he wasn’t going to stop until he got it and he wasn’t going to give up until it belonged to him.
He sighed and leaned back against the bar behind him, his long brown fingers clenching, without conscious thought on his part, on the glass of Scotch that he held in his hand.  He tried to contain the growl that rose up in his throat, quite aware that there was no one to growl at, no willing body for him to mark…no tree to piss on and let everyone know that it belonged to him.  His light brown eyes slid closed and he rolled his shoulders to relieve the tension that had inexplicably built there, feeling the white hot fires of rage dissipate from his gut and he sighed…again…this time with relief and not with frustration…okay, not only with frustration.
“No luck tonight DV?” he heard a voice beside him ask and he turned his head to see who it was who had decided to intrude upon his moment of desultory personal reflection.  He grinned when he saw his good friend Thaddeus Adkins.
“Ah hell Thad.  They get younger, I get older and all the while, none of them seem to get any better…” he said, his voice tinged with a slight trace of annoyance and frustration.
“And you just seem to get better with age,” Thad smiled back at him.  “Yeah man, I know.”
Vicktor nodded and opened his mouth to inquire about Thad’s partner, Desmond, when the door opened and his angel walked in.  The man he had been looking for.  The one he’d spent most of his adult life both trying to avoid and pursue.  His soul mate had just walked into the door.  Petite, with black hair that swept his shoulders and gorgeous green eyes, the thin young man seemed completely unsure of himself as he stepped fully into the bar.  Vicktor let his eyes drift over the other man while he seemed completely unaware.  He stood somewhere around five feet eight inches tall, on the thin side, and he also seemed to be fighting exhaustion…if the bags underneath his eyes was any indication at all.
“DV!  Man!  What the hell?  Where did you go?” Thad asked when Vicktor turned to him and blinked stupidly.
Slowly, sanity and reason returned and he knew that he couldn’t just stand there ogling the guy.  He had to do something, say something, send him something.  He gave himself a firm mental shake and reminded himself of who he was, of his reputation, of his status, of his skills, of his entire fucking personality.  He wouldn’t get all gooey eyed just because his perfect man walked through the door, with his pale skin, dressed in a black shirt and black pants, like he was scared of being discovered.  Vicktor was determined to bring the other man out of his shell…but maintaining his individual identity while doing so.  He nodded with his head towards the direction of the small man who seemed to be making his way towards them with a smile on his face.
He saw Thad look over his shoulder and then smile before he leapt up.
“Thank you for pointing him out to me!  That’s why I’m here!  I’ve been waiting for him,” Thad replied and Vicktor felt his heart clench.
“Who is he?” he asked.
“Oh him?” Thad shrugged one shoulder.  Very calm and nonchalantly Vicktor nodded, hoping that his feelings weren’t evident on his face.  Please don’t be claiming him here, please don’t be claiming him here, he thought to himself.
“That’s my brother-in-law Daniel.  I brought him for you.”
Vicktor’s head swung quickly in Thad’s direction, his eyes widening and his mouth dropping open.  “What the fuck did you just say?” he questioned, his voice sound harsh to his own ears.
“Daniel is obviously a sub.  He sort of came to this realization the other day when he was over to the house.  You know that I, for obvious reasons, can’t train him on how to be a sub, so I thought that I’d bring him to you.  I know that you’ll take care of him and sort of ease him into that role,” Thad pointed out as Daniel finally noticed them and began to head over.
Vicktor swallowed thickly and straightened up in his chair, feeling as if he was either about to be interviewed or as if he were about to meet the parents of his partner.  Seconds passed before he once again remembered who he was and inhaled deeply before releasing the breath slowly.  He was “The Dom.”  People came from all around the fucking world, paying him exorbitant amounts of money to train their subs or to get better training on how to be a better Dom.  He was the shit, he knew he was the shit and within an hour, Daniel would know it too.
Feeling much more confident, he sat back with a small smirk on his face and watched as Daniel’s eyes nervously took in his appearance before turning to stare at Thad.
“Hey Thad.  Why did you want me to meet you here?” the younger man asked hesitantly and Vicktor felt his cock harden in his pants.  Without a word he stood and looked down at the younger man who took a hesitant step back.
“Do you know who I am?” he asked, watching as Daniel’s body shook at the sound of his voice.  Only Vicktor was aware of Thad slipping off the stool and walking slowly out of the bar, never once looking back to make sure that his brother in law was going to be okay. Vicktor knew that that was more about the fact that Thaddeus trusted him rather than the idea that he didn’t care for Daniel. Everyone knew how fiercely protective Thad was about his family members and Daniel was no exception. The man in question didn’t even blink when Thad disappeared from their space in front of the bar, Daniel’s eyes were trained on him.  As it should be, he thought to himself, feeling his hard cock leaking behind the zipper of his jeans in view of this almost perfect display of submission. Oh yeah, Daniel was going to be the sweetest sub he ever had.
“N-no,” Daniel responded, his voice quivering as he took a small step back.
“Some people call me Vicktor.  Some people call me Vic.  Some people call me The Dom,” Vicktor began, grinning with an almost wolfish satisfaction when Daniel’s body tensed at his title.  Oh, it seemed as if his new little sub had heard of him.  He stepped closer to the younger man and leaned forward, at six feet four inches, he wasn’t the tallest man in existence but he was rather tall, it was his broad frame that made him so intimidating.  People tended to see a tall, muscled black man with tattoos on his shoulder, his forearm and chest and see someone to not be fucked with…they’d be right in his case.  He was very intimidating, he liked it that way, it made it easier for subs to follow his orders and it chased off the sadistic bastards who called themselves Doms.  Being a Dom was a privilege, not a right.  What he did wasn’t a game, it was a lifestyle.  He oozed Dom from his pores.  He pissed dominance and everywhere he walked subs had extreme orgasms just from him looking at them.
It wasn’t arrogance, it was the fucking truth.
He leaned over and placed his lips right next to Daniel’s left ear. He didn’t want his new sub to miss his next words, he exhaled lightly on the smaller man’s pale ear, chuckling at the slight whimper the other man gave him, “You can call me Sir,” he said gruffly before leaning down and biting Daniel’s neck hard enough to leave a mark.  He wasn’t surprised when he felt the other man shake through a very forceful orgasm.  He knew that he had judged the smaller man correctly. Daniel was a sub that loved to be bitten and he would bet his favorite flogger that the man would cream his pants the first time Vicktor brought up the idea of using his paddle on him.
“That was one.  Before the night is over, you’re going to be calling me Sir, begging me to keep you, and you’ll have had seven orgasms.  That’s one, make sure that you count,” he ordered, allowing his voice to slip into its “Dom octave.”  He stood up to his full height and stepped back, “Let’s go,” he commanded before turning his back and walking away, he heard Daniel’s shuffling steps behind him and smiled wolfishly, he was so happy that he chose to come out tonight.
He knew that he owed Thaddeus one…or rather, seven.
~~**~~                                ~~**~~                                ~~**~~                                ~~**~~                                ~~**~~                                ~~**~~

Daniel had no idea what the fuck was wrong with him. He didn’t even know Vicktor. He knew of him, sure. But, everyone knew who Vicktor Parthings was. Everyone who was interested in “the scene” or had even considered getting into it. Besides that, his brother Desmond was a former sub, turned househusband, who used to masturbate to pictures that he had of Vicktor. Daniel hadn’t understood it at first. He could understand the initial attraction. Vicktor was very attractive.
Who was he kidding? Vicktor was a fucking, walking wet dream. He stood at about 6 feet, he was muscled, had gorgeous, smooth, milk chocolate skin and his hair was black and hang straight down to the middle of his cheeks, plus his eyes were light brown. He was a fucking living, breathing orgasm.
Daniel shivered as he followed the older man out of the bar. Desmond used to say all of the time that he wanted to be dominated by Vicktor and Daniel had laughed at him, wondering what the hell was so special about the man that everyone called “The Dom”, that it would make his brother jack off over his photos three and four times a day. He was still trying to figure out what the big draw was. Vicktor was sexy, but he wasn’t all that.
He purposefully ignored the large wet stain on the front of his jeans that made a liar out of him.
“Did you drive here?” Vicktor asked him and Daniel lifted his head and found his gaze ensnared by the taller man’s.
That was the fucking draw right there. Vicktor looked like he wanted to take care of him. Like it would be his greatest honor to take care of him and that, in order for him to take care of Daniel, he had to dominate him. Daniel was inclined to believe him. Fuck, he’d get on his knees right there in the parking lot if Vicktor asked him to. He saw Vicktor’s head tilt to the side and a small smile come to his face as if he were amused by Daniel.
Wait, had Vicktor asked him a question?
Shit. He couldn’t even think now. What the hell had the massive mountain asked him? His mind swirled through the haze of lust and desire and submissiveness until…
“Oh! No, I took a cab. Thaddeus told me to take a cab. He said that I wouldn’t need my car, which I thought was really weird, because I know for a fact that he and Desmond are supposed to be meeting up later for dinner and I didn’t think they’d want me with them, so the fact that he was telling me to leave my car, didn’t make any sense to me, you know? I mean, it wasn’t like they’d want me to join them at dinner, you know? I mean-“ Daniel stopped talking abruptly when Vicktor placed his hand over his mouth.
“Slow down Boy. That was a yes or no question. Just answer yes or no unless I ask for more. Got it?” Vicktor said with amusement tingeing his words.
Daniel nodded, allowing his tongue to peek through his lips for a moment and licking the palm of Vicktor’s hand. The salty flavor of the other man’s skin burst across his tongue and he saw Vicktor’s nostrils flare and his eyes darken with lust and desire and knew that his own body was reacting in the same way. What the fuck was wrong with him? He wasn’t usually like this. He’d been looking into the whole submission thing for a while, but he wasn’t usually this…impetuous. One part of him wanted to run away from Vicktor, who was obviously the catalyst behind his personality change, while another part, a larger part wanted to kneel right there and beg The Dom to spank him until he passed out.
“Get in the car and then we’ll go back to my place and talk. Okay?” Vicktor said. Daniel nodded and took a small step back, watching as Vicktor walked around the large black SUV to get into the driver’s side. Daniel took a step forward until his brain processed what had been said.

~~**~~                                ~~**~~                                ~~**~~                                ~~**~~                                ~~**~~                                ~~**~~

Thaddeus nodded to the waiter who led him to the table where his husband waited, a broad smile on his face, his heart still pounding in his chest as he caught a glimpse of the gorgeous man waiting there. Desmond was the perfect specimen for being a male model. All long limbs and dark hair and bright blue eyes. The first time Thaddeus had seen him, he knew that he’d wanted to have the other man on his knees submitting to him. By the end of their first scene which they’d had two days later, he’d known that he wanted the other man wearing his collar.
Two weeks later, he knew he wanted Desmond to wear his ring. So he’d proposed to the beautiful man in a romantic ceremony. Both of their families in attendance, all of their friends, except Vicktor who’d been off in California for some sort of conference and hadn’t been able to get away. He’d gone down on one knee and everyone had cried with the words he’d said and he’d been so sure that Desmond would say yes.
He was wrong.
No one had been more shocked than him when Desmond had told him no.
When he’d asked why, he had been shocked when the other man said that it was because Thaddeus still hadn’t said that he loved him.
It had taken him three months to say it the first time, though he’d felt the emotion from the first night. It was an emotion that had done nothing but strengthen and grow firmer as the days had passed.
It wasn’t until six months after he’d proposed that first time that he’d proposed again.
This time Desmond had said yes.
One year later, they were still happy and still in love.
Thaddeus had never been so happy to be rejected in his life.
He walked towards his husband, his grin getting bigger as he got closer and closer to the love of his life. He leaned over the table and captured Desmond’s lips with his own as soon as he stopped at the table, moaning into his the smaller man’s soft and sweet kiss. Pulling back after a long moment, he sat down in his seat, ignoring the looks of shock, interest, disgust and confusion on the faces of the other patrons in the restaurant. He knew that people looked at him and even Vicktor and expected the both of them to be surrounded by a bunch of groupies, with the both of them wearing long chains of gold or silver talking about “bling, bling” and “bitches” and growing up in “the hood.” They wouldn’t be further from the truth with their stereotypes, however. He had grown up in the suburbs of Moline, Illinois and while Vicktor never spoke about where he’d been born, Thaddeus knew for a fact that he’d grown up in Moline, right next to him, after he’d been adopted by the Parthings family. The Parthings were a very well to do Caucasian family and Vicktor had grown up attending the orchestra, the ballet, the theater and museums in addition to going to concerts and football games with everyone else.
They’d both attended Ivy League schools after graduating from college. Vicktor had attended Harvard University and he’d attended Stanford. The two had kept in touch, not only because they were best friends but because in middle school they’d both realized that they were gay and while they’d realized that neither one of the would “bottom” for the other without a fight a some bruises, they both realized that they got off when they were dominating others.
They weren’t sadistic about it, and contrary to what his therapist had told his parents, it wasn’t a control mechanism employed by a victim of rape or neglect. Hell, he’d never experienced either of those things and he was still a Dom…or he was before he’d married Desmond, now he was just a husband. Vicktor though. Vicktor was born to be a Dom. Regardless of his birth parents, Vicktor was born to take charge. Born to lead. Born to dominate. He’d grown up telling people that he pissed dominance and leadership and it wasn’t an exaggeration. The man had such a presence about him that Thaddeus had found himself fighting against the urge he had to kneel or bend over for the other man. Which is the reason why they’d only been friends growing up and never anything else.
“So did DV agree?” Desmond asked, his voice soft and slightly hesitant. Thaddeus cleared his throat and shifted in his chair, ignoring his husband’s grin at the evidence of his obvious state of arousal.
“He agreed so well that neither he nor Daniel even noticed when I left the bar,” Thaddeus stated, graciously accepting the menu handed to him from the waiter. He saw as Desmond glared at the waiter who was still standing by the table as if waiting for Thaddeus to notice him.
Thaddeus grinned. His husband was so cute when he was being all fierce and possessive. People didn’t understand that sometimes Doms got off on their subs or their partners being just as possessive and jealous as they themselves were. The Dom/sub relationship was completely different from that of a Master/slave relationship and Thaddeus knew that even if he’d been a “Master” and Desmond was his “slave,” that Desmond still would have been extremely possessive. It made his chest rumble with a contented purr.
He saw Desmond grin at him and he barely glanced up at the waiter, he only had eyes for his husband. Besides, he had a feeling that this was going to be a very short dinner.
“I’ll have a steak, well-done, with Portobello mushrooms on top with the red skinned potatoes on the side, let me have the sour cream on the side. My husband will have the lemon-ginger chicken with the steamed vegetables, no butter on any of that, bring him the butter on the side. Bring us another bottle of wine and the check as well. We’re going to be having dessert at home. Off my husband’s naked body,” Thaddeus ordered, ignoring the waiter completely and looking at Desmond the other time. He heard the waiter gasp before uttering a quick and almost inaudible “Yes sir,” before scampering away. Thaddeus grinned at the look of complete and utter adoration shining in his husband’s eyes.
“I think we may have to get those meals to go, love,” Desmond stated huskily.
Without hesitation Thaddeus lifted his hand in the air, “Waiter!”

Thursday, January 26, 2012

T-Toys: The Bondage Bar

Today's Toy is the Bondage Bar from Exciting Toys.

Bondage Bar

This toy is great for the Dom or the sub that's just starting out or even the more seasoned ones of us in the Lifestyle. And for those of you looking just to add some spice to your relationship this is a great way to get your sub or your lover into that perfect position: ass up and at your mercy.

The Bondage Bar is $43.20 plus tax, shipping and handling, at Exciting Toys (Bondage Bar at Exciting Toys). It ships in 3 days and is (from what I've been told, very comfortable for the one wearing it).

The site says: A classic bondage item is now out of the dungeon and in your bedroom. Soft, neoprene cuffs are attached to a rigid, metal bar to keep your partner in place.

The thing that I love the most about this toy is that it is very much self explanatory. A lot of the bondage toys that I've used over the years are complicated  (Insert Tab A into Tab B and then pull Tab C through Slot D and click with Hole F), whereas this is fasten and tighten.

I am sure that for those of you who are interested in exploring the Lifestyle or your more kinky side will enjoy this.

And if you add a flogger, crop, paddle or lovely G-spot/Prostate dildo with it, you're guaranteed a good time.

Happy Spankingz,

The Dom

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Gloria Brame

So today (since The Dom is writing and the subs are working, resting, sleeping) I, your loving Dom, am going to highlight someone that I admire.

Gloria Brame ( her website says this about her:

Dr. Gloria G. Brame is one of the world's foremost clinical sexologists.  An author, therapist, and seasoned media sexpert, you'll find her quoted in magazines such as Cosmopolitan, GQ, Men's Health, Maxim, Playboy, and Redbook.

Dr. Brame also has a few books that I find very interesting:

"Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission" Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submissionwhich has this as the blurb: 

      Still in print after 17 years, Playboy called Different Loving "a detailed, eye-opening account of the real sexual            

     underground in America...a thorough and serious study" and readers have called it the Bible of SM.

A breakthrough in sexual literature, this work is a complete, comprehensive user-friendly guide to and tour through the world of alternative sexual lifestyles. While the topics are exotic and erotic, the authors handle each one in a sensitive, thorough, analytical, and fascinating way and manage to explain a secret world to those who might wish to visit.

    From Kirkus Reviews

Few books come with warning labels, but this one does: ``Readers should not attempt any of the activities described in these pages.'' Why not? Because the outr‚ sexual practices described by the Brames (she: a former therapist; he: a former archaeologist) and Jacobs (a freelance writer) in this bold report carry psychological and, often, physical risks--though that hasn't stopped the two-hundred-odd practitioners whom the authors interviewed, nor the millions who share their passion for sexual dominance and submission (D&S). All D&S, the authors explain, involves a ``power exchange'' in which one partner ``tops,'' or dominates, and the other ``bottoms,'' or submits--whether through bondage, wrestling, whipping, body-piercing, etc. After running through the history of D&S scholarship--with expected nods at Krafft-Ebbing and Havelock Ellis--the Brames and Jacob present an overview of the practices themselves, which range from infantilism (the bottom often wears a diaper and sucks on a bottle) and depersonalization (the bottom may act like an object, perhaps a footstool, or an animal, most often a pony) to spanking, cross-dressing, foot fetishes, enemas, branding, and so on. The authors discuss the methods, psychological bases, and historical backgrounds of the practices, each of which is illuminated by interviews with practitioners who speak with great seriousness (``Deliberate, ritualized infliction of what we call pain can change the relationship of the body and that which lives in the body,'' says Fakir Musafar, who likes to dangle from trees by way of ``fleshhooks''). And as for the risks, nearly all of these sexual outlaws identify with the ``Scene'' (the vast D&S underground that's highly self-aware: Two thousand infantilists, for example, belong to a ``Diaper Pail Fraternity'') and with its credo of ``Safe, Sane, and Consensual.'' The definitive guide to the sexual styles of those who walk on the wild side. -- Copyright ©1993, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

There is also her book "Come Hither"
Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide To Kinky SexA fun, commonsense guide to kinky sex, Come Hither, is the official guide to kink at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.
Amazon Blurb: How do you tell your partner that you'd like to be spanked?
Where can you find a good dominatrix?
If your husband like to wear your panties, does that mean he's gay?
What really goes on at SM clubs?
After you tie someone up, what exactly are you supposed to do?
Is there such a thing as normal sex?
If you've ever wondered about the ins and outs of bondage, spanking, or cross-dressing, look no further. Come Hither is a frank, friendly guide on how to turn your secret fantasies into satisfying expressions of love and desire. The official resource guide for SM/fetish sex at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, Come Hither proves that a little kink can be a lot of fun.

And Editorial Reviews:


Bob Berkowitz author of His Secret Life Come Hither is accessible, fun to read, informative, and sexy all at the same time. I highly recommend it.

Dr. Robert T. McIlvenna President, The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality Dr. Brame is simply the best tour guide I know for your travel in the world of kinky sex.

And Finally "The Truth about Sex: A Sex Primer for the 21st Century":
The Truth About Sex, A Sex Primer for the 21st Century Volume I: Sex and the SelfRenowned bestselling author Dr. Gloria G. Brame's newest book, The Truth About Sex, Volume 1 - Sex and the Self, has just been published and is available via and Barnes & Noble. The Truth About Sex is the first of a planned three-volume set of books that gives adults the basic tools to have a happy and satisfying sex life. It is also available as an e-book.
Amazon blurb:
Have you ever wondered why we think one type of sex is better than another? Are inhibitions or confusion about sex holding you back? Do you think you're a sex addict? Have you given up on having good orgasms with your partner? Are you worried sex will break up your relationship? The Truth About Sex will set you free.
The Truth About Sex is an important new work by internationally renowned sex therapist, bestselling author (Different Loving, Come Hither), and sex blogger/historian (Gloria's Oversexed Mind, The Bilerico Project), Gloria G. Brame, Ph.D. Twenty years of Dr. Brame's research on human sexuality is distilled into three fast-paced volumes that will change the way you look at sex. They offer reality-based models which combine Brame's original theories, hard facts, and over 10 years of highly successful, results-oriented sex therapy. Brame addresses the most intimate, complicated questions about sex in page-turning, warmly empathic prose. Using cutting-edge sex and medical studies, historical research, and composite case studies from her private practice, she teaches adults how to make sexual ecstasy a reality.
Volume 1, SEX AND THE SELF, is a complete primer on masturbation, orgasm and new models for talking about, thinking about and understanding your inner sexual identity. It includes Dr. Brame's best clinical techniques for improving sexual performance and increasing every adult's potential for complete sexual satisfaction.
About the Author:
Gloria G. Brame is a sex therapist and best-selling author (Different Loving, Come Hither). She holds an M.A. in English from Columbia University (GSAS 1978) and a Ph.D. from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (2000). Her frequently censored yet astonishingly popular blog, Gloria's Oversexed Mind, covers all aspects of sexual history, and was selected for "Best of SexBlogs 2010" and "NY Sex Bloggers Calendar 2011." Professor of Human Sexuality, Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (San Francisco); Fellow, Erotic Heritage Museum (Las Vegas); named "Hero of the Sexual Revolution" (Exodus Trust, 2006); regular contributor to The Bilerico Project, the Sexual Health Network, and iFriends Adult Forums. Frequently cited in Cosmo, Men's Health, Esquire, GQ and other print and digital media. Google Gloria Brame or follow DrGloriaBrame on Twitter.

And the Reviews:


Healthy sexuality is fundamental to building healthy lives, relationships, communities and societies, and we all could use some guidance. This honest and reassuring book is an excellent resource for those seeking greater confidence in, and understanding of, this basic right. Thank you, Dr. Brame! --Nina Hartley, R.N., Author of Nina Hartley's Guide to Total Sex

If you don't have a sex therapist on speed dial, Dr. Gloria Brame will be your emergency contact. Calling shenanigans on the way our culture deals with sexuality, The Truth About Sex plants a sex-positive flag into the American landscape. --Megan Andelloux, Certified Sexuality Educator, Board Certified Sexologist

The Truth About Sex by Dr. Gloria Brame is the talk every parent should have with their children, their partner(s) and, most importantly, themselves. The first step in affirming sexual freedom as a fundamental human right is one's own sexual liberation. Dr. Brame's book outlines a clear path toward that goal! --Ricci Joy Levy, Executive Director, The Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance

Gloria Brame takes readers from masturbation to orgasm in an easy and forthright manner. This informative volume doesn't leave readers wanting more; it shows them just how to get satisfaction on their own. --Bil Browning, Editor-in-Chief, The Bilerico Project

Insightful, smart, and subversive in sexy ways, Dr. Gloria Brame brings a refreshingly original perspective to the study of human sexuality in all its dimensions and permutations. --Dr. Sandor Gardos, Sex Therapist and Founder of

So I encourage you to go out and read Dr. Brame's books and check out her website and her blog:

Happy Spankingz!
-The Dom