Thursday, April 26, 2012

The Dom's Dom

"Every Dom has a Dom. It's just a fact of the Lifestyle. It's that person who helps that Dom stay grounded. Helps the Dom fulfill the part of him that maybe he wouldn't have fulfilled. We know that there are a few subs out there who don't know what it is to take care of another person. They can barely take care of themselves. As Doms we take care of them, but we often go without. We need to feel like we're taken cared of at times. We need someone to make us do something. To order us to take care of ourselves or even to allow someone to make love to us. This is why there are so many threesome D/s couples. With two Doms and a sub. One of those Doms is the Dom to the other and their relationship is very much more of a partnership than anything else, whereas they are both Doms to the sub. This way the Doms are assured that both parts of themselves are being taken cared of and not just one part while the other part withers away and dies."-Jerome, Dom

This is definitely something that I've been thinking about for the last three months or so. The fact that every Dom essentially needs someone who will take care of him, be it another Dom, a sub, or even someone not in the Lifestyle who's just there for them. There's a huge misconception floating around, in books, movies, and by word of mouth that Doms are these big, burly men with huge muscles who are always take charge and are always in control. Doms are almost unfeeling, hard, immovable in their beliefs. They are hard and badass and only show any type of true emotion or weakness when dealing with children and their sub(s).

Well, as a Dom myself, I can tell you that that's not true. I've met lots of Doms throughout the years, some of them are almost cookie cutter images of what the romance books make them out to be. Still others are every day guys who laugh, have fun, maybe they don't even look like a Dom, but in the bedroom they are inevitably the one who takes control (which doesn't always mean that someone's being tied up, spanked, flogged, or gagged either). Sometimes these men are only Doms in the bedroom and out in the "real world" they need guidance themselves.

It happens, it's reality, it's their truth.

It doesn't make these men any less than the Dom that they are, but it makes them a Dom who needs a Dom.

And then there are Doms who like to give and receive anal sex. They are tops and bottoms. They are the ones who don't mind being fucked up against the wall, just like they don't mind fucking someone else up against a wall. They wouldn't call themselves Versatiles, they still consider themselves Doms, they are just Doms who need a Dom, and if their sub is a pure bottom? That's where that third person comes in.

While talking to Jamie (Jerome's sub) and friends and family members who know me best, this is one issue that continues to arise. When and how is the Dom taken care of when he devotes most of his time to making sure that his sub(s) are taken cared of? Does the sub step in to take care of him or does the Dom inevitably go without?

Is it possible for a Dom to need a Dom and if so, does that take away from that Dom being a Dom to his sub?

I say no. What do you say?

Happy Spankingz!

The Dom

1 comment:

  1. The one Dom I've had didn't have a Dom of his own in the sexual sense, but he did have a mentor for advice and help if he needed it. I do think they need someone to turn to who understands the position they're in. I wasn't the one he could talk to about things that related to being a Dom since I'm only dominant/aggressive as part of my job.

    I don't think it takes away from the Dom in and of itself. If the Dom is lacking in attention/caring for his sub, it's something in himself. There was something in mine (or in me to cause it) that he wasn't the caring type. That is something that is solely on the Dom himself, not his mentor or Dom.


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