T-Toys: The Bondage Bar

Today's Toy is the Bondage Bar from Exciting Toys.





This toy is great for the Dom or the sub that's just starting out or even the more seasoned ones of us in the Lifestyle. And for those of you looking just to add some spice to your relationship this is a great way to get your sub or your lover into that perfect position: ass up and at your mercy.


The Bondage Bar is $43.20 plus tax, shipping and handling, at Exciting Toys (Bondage Bar at Exciting Toys). It ships in 3 days and is (from what I've been told, very comfortable for the one wearing it).


The site says: A classic bondage item is now out of the dungeon and in your bedroom. Soft, neoprene cuffs are attached to a rigid, metal bar to keep your partner in place.


The thing that I love the most about this toy is that it is very much self explanatory. A lot of the bondage toys that I've used over the years are complicated  (Insert Tab A into Tab B and then pull Tab C through Slot D and click with Hole F), whereas this is fasten and tighten.


I am sure that for those of you who are interested in exploring the Lifestyle or your more kinky side will enjoy this.


And if you add a flogger, crop, paddle or lovely G-spot/Prostate dildo with it, you're guaranteed a good time.






Happy Spankingz,


The Dom

So You Want to Be a Dom (Part One)

So I've been getting a lot of tweets, emails, messages, etc. from people asking me how I knew that I was a Dom, how to be a Dom or in reverse how to be a sub.

Well, I only "played" at being a sub when I first started out in the Lifestyle, as a way of discovering if I was really made to be a Dom, but I've got some great sub friends, and an awesome sub myself, who can answer those questions.

So for the next few weeks, we here on the Poker, Sex, Doms & Toys blog are going to help you understand more about being a Dom, sub, vers, going to a BDSM club or even having anal.

Today's bit:

So You Want to be a Dom: Part One.

You're with your partner and you're having fun. Maybe you're fucking them or they're fucking you, either way, something just feels...wrong. Something's missing from this lovely sexual encounter. Something needs to be done to make you feel more aroused than you already do.

What could it possibly be?

Here are Five Things/Ways to help get you started to recognizing if you're a Dom or not:

1. Does the thought of being in control in the bedroom make you more aroused? Do you fantasize about telling your partner what to do and when?
2. Do you ever have the urge to tie up your partner? To have them at your mercy sexually? To cum only when you tell them that they can?
3. Do you ever want to bend your partner over and spank them? To see their ass turn red and know that it's because of you? (And yes, everyone's ass, white, black, Hispanic, Native American, Asian, etc. at some point will turn red if you spank it hard enough)
4. Do you ever have the urge to take care of your partner? Is your entire being focused on them? Not just making sure that they get off during the encounter, but making sure that they are changed in some way by every encounter?
5. Does the thought of being submissive or taking on a role of submission, being the one receiving orders turn you off?

If you answered yes to all five of these, then odds are, you're a Dom (Yay for you!)

If you answered yes to any of these you can be "Vers" or you could just be someone who is not locked down into the Lifestyle, but enjoys certain aspects of it, which is fine.

This is not the full list, of course not, because if it was we'd have a lot more Doms running around all over the place. But this is the first 5 and the most important five. Especially #4.

Tomorrow we'll do part one of "So You Want to be a Sub", so make sure you join us for that!

Happy Spankingz!

The Dom

Sex Positions for F/F and Poly Amorous Couples

So I was reminded that I completely neglected two groups of people in the post yesterday: lesbians and polyamorous couples.


Ooopppsss.


So here's my attempt at making up for that (sorry peeps!!)

Bivulvia

Vulva to vulva: a kneeling scissors position for two vulva's.

a form of non-penetrative sex in which a woman rubs her vulva against her partner's body for sexual stimulation. This may involve female-to-female genital contact or a female rubbing her vulva against her partner's thigh, stomach, buttocks, palm, arm, or other body part (excluding the mouth). A variety of sexual positions are recorded, not least the missionary position, as well as others.^[1][4][5][6] The term is sometimes used to refer to a masturbation technique in which a woman rubs her vulva against an inanimate object such as a bolster to achieve orgasm. The term is most often used in the context of lesbian sex.Among women who have sex with women, tribadism is a common sexual practice.^{[1][6][11][12][13][14]} Though the term is usually applied to the act of vulva-to-vulva stimulation, it encompasses a variety of sexual activity. In addition to the commonly titled "scissoring" motion, tribadism may involve a missionary position, a woman on top position, a doggy style position and others,^[2] or simple movement of the woman's vulva against her partner's thigh, stomach, buttocks, palm, arm, or another body part.^[2][4] It may be accompanied by penetration of a partner with fingers or a dildo; and so sometimes "mutuality and reciprocation tend not to be the main objective, although satisfaction for both partners through different means most definitely is its aim."^[11] Lesbians who prefer tribadism for sexual stimulation report enjoyment of whole-body contact, the experience of timing hip movement and feeling their partner's motions without manual stimulation, which is considered "very erotic" and a much easier way to achieve orgasm due to direct clitoral stimulation.^[1][15]

Some lesbian and bisexual women object to the term "scissoring," as they do not partake in this particular aspect of the activity and attribute it more to the male fantasies of the heterosexual porn industry.^[16][17][18] "Scissoring" is often used as an umbrella term for all genital-to-genital forms of tribadism, and many lesbian and bisexual women are unaware that some of the sexual acts they include in their lovemaking are aspects of tribadism, as tribadism is commonly omitted from mainstream sex research.^[11][14] Judith Halberstam, in her book Female Masculinity, stated, "If we trace the use of the term forward into present, we find that tribadism is one of those rarely discussed but often practiced sexual activities, and the silence that surrounds it now is as puzzling as the discourse it produced in earlier centuries." She added that Sigmund Freud had nothing to say on the subject, and few contemporary lesbian sex books even discuss it.^[11]

According to older studies, approximately one-third of lesbian women used tribadism, or body contact, as a means of achieving orgasm (Saghir & Robins, 1973; Jay & Young, 1977).^[12] Masters and Johnson's 1979 study on lesbian sexual practices found that vaginal penetration with dildos is rare, and that lesbians tend to do more overall genital stimulation than direct clitoral stimulation, which is also often the case for heterosexual relationships.^[13] In 1987, a non-scientific study (Munson) was conducted of more than 100 members of a lesbian social organization in Colorado. When asked what techniques they used in their last 10 lovemaking sessions, 100% were for kissing, sucking on nipples, and manual stimulation of the clitoris; more than 90% reported French kissing, oral sex, and fingers inserted into the vagina; and 80% reported tribadism.^[6]

(For the M/F/M) Vaginal/anal. One man lies down on his back, and you mount him, inserting his penis into your vagina. The second man then comes up behind you and penetrates your anus. For maximum comfort and pleasure, arrange to take the larger penis into your vagina and the smaller one into your anus. Warning: this position may not be suitable for extremely insecure men because they will almost certainly feel each other's movements when they're both inside you. (http://dodsonandross.com/blogs/svetlana-ivanova/2010/01/3-best-positions-mfm-threesomes)

(For the M/M/M+-Can also have a female or two thrown in here or even all female, just substitute real cocks for dildos) 

A Gang Bang is very much linked to the idea of the submissive role of one person “used” by a “gang” ofactive sexual partners. For many bottom guy this is a fantasy related to the idea if being dominated by several partners in a row. There’s nothing masochistic in this in my opinion. Actually I truly believe this is a fully narcisitic desire, as the person really is  at the center of the action by being possessed by all the others in the gang. Seen from the distance in a porn movie this may not seem the case. But in my personal experience such an activity raised its aesthetical principle to pure exposure of one person at the center of everything.

The story is simple. My first boyfriend talked me about this fantasy of him bottoming in a orgy where several people would fuck him in a row. For his 30th birthday I was looking for a special present for him… so I decided to go for this fantasy. A mutual friend had the right place to plan it (a nice “dungeon” room with a sling). So it was just a matter of carefully selecting the right participants (a total of 7).

Result was overwhelming. Party started at 10 pm about, and the sun was rising when last cock was unloaded. But the overall scene under my eyes was exactly that of a King (or a Queen some would say) at the center of the attention of everybody else.

Beside my personal experience, a Gang Bang can be a really hot experience. 

Best Setting is of course with a sling, but there’s also the option to lay on a table, or on the floor. Best Position for the Gang Bang is of course the Deep Anal Penetration, although also the Oyster position is possible (especially if laying on the ground) or theDoggie Style. In this last case the anal act can also be accompanied by an oral act, thus making it a threesome. In any case the overall feeling of the act should be of a dominating experience therefore we’re talking of hard fucking here. A good amount of lubing is therefore vital. Sometime also somebondage can be used to refrain the bottom guy from escaping the gang:-)

Basically it’s all about this: fucking the guy then leaving the room to the next top and so on.

There are two alternatives for what concerns the “cum” part. The first is to have each member of the gang fuck the bottom until cumming, then leaving the room to the next one. This version is a sort of “rapist” serial activity, which can be a lot of fun. Especially because if the group is quite vital and bog, the first in the row will probably feel horny again when the last one is over, and could start the fuck again.

A second option is to leave a kind of bukkake  at the end. When the last one is fucking, all the others would just unload their jizz on the bottom’s body.

Which one to prefer? You choose… it very much depends. First option makes it a full anal experience. Second involves a bit of jerkoff.

(http://gayspirit.me/post/4278306223/89-group-sex-gang-bang)

Happy Spangkingz!!!

The Dom

The Dom/sub Relationship as a Marriage/Partnership: The Finale

There is not much that can shock The Dom speechless.

When it happens I definitely sit up and take notice.

This next post didn't just make me speechless, it touched me and moved me and I'll tell you, it almost made The Dom sell off items to get a plane ticket to fly to England.

This is the final post of our Dom/sub Relationship as a Marriage/Partnership Series and let me tell you, we totally saved the best for last.

At least in my opinion we did.

Daniel, whom I affectionately call "The Sexiest Sub Ever" (at least I did in my head-now you're all privvy to it), is today's blog poster and while he's fairly new to the D/s lifestyle he's got a really good grasp of it.

Not only that, he belongs to The Dom, so I might be just a little bit biased when I say that of all of the posts this week, this one is my favorite.

1. When did you know that you wanted to be a Dom/sub?

It was only at the beginning of the year that I realised I wanted to be a sub. I started with porn - vanilla mostly, but I got bored of it. I liked watching guys take it HARD, wishing that I could be that bottom. Then I caught sight of a bondage video, and I was drawn to it. I clicked on it out of curiosity and couldn't take my eyes from the screen. I searched for more, and more. My curiosity continued to grow as I learned about all the different toys and fetishes. When I moved out of home to go to uni, I bought a few toys and experimented with myself, and enjoyed it... a lot. But I wanted something more, and I wasn't sure what.

It took a while for me to build up my courage, but I started to talk to a few people about D/s. And then Vic came along. I started asking questions, trying to learn as much as I could. I don't remember exactly when it happened, but reading his posts made me yearn for someone more... and I realised what that was. I wanted someone to do all these things to me. I've always been submissive, but I'd never considered myself a sub... until then. It just made sense. Everything seemed to fit into place.

2. What is your take on Doms and subs who are also partners outside of a scene?

I think it's great. One of the things I was worried about when looking into D/s was that it would be purely D/s, and nothing else. I worried what would happen when the dom and sub grew older. But after talking with Vic and Kat, and the other members on GoodReads, I learned that I could still have the security of a relationship with a dom, that it didn't have to be all about the scenes and nothing else.

3. When did you know that you wanted your Dom/sub to become your partner?

Hmmm, it's hard to pick a definite point in time. I think it was after we started talking on Twitter, probably because I was still trying to see other doms in my area then. At some point we started going from flirting to serious flirting, and then onto more private things. Next thing I know we're talking collars and trips to NY, and all sorts of other things. It's scary how fast it happened. I didn't think it was possible. But after having read the other posts this week, I'm starting to believe that maybe it is possible to find someone who you just know is your dom/sub. There's still a tiny niggling insecurity at the back of my mind though, but I can't deny how I'm feeling. I want to give myself over to him, to have him mark me and claim me - and only me - to make him happy, and be looked after by him.

4. What do you think is the biggest difference between a D/s marriage/partnership and one between two people who aren't in the Lifestyle?

Not surprisingly, my relationships up until now have been non-D/s. I've had a variety of different relationships, ranging from more lust-based, to a relationship with more of an emotional connection. I've had a relationship that started with sex, and one that started with a couple of dinner dates and drinks. But they've all seemed to start at approximately the same point... of having to learn your role in the relationship, of building up trust, etc. D/s for me is different in that the roles are very clearly defined, but still with a little flexibility. You go into the relationship already with a firm idea of what your role will be. And that's not to say it'll never happen outside of a D/s relationship, but many people tend to learn that 'on-the-job' as it were.

It's actually quite difficult for me to answer this because I see the two types of relationship as extremely similar. You can still achieve what a D/s relationship does in a non-D/s one. And yet, it seems like very few couples do. So, why? My guess is because there's a lot more communication from the onset, and because both parties will come to learn exactly what it is the other partner needs, which seems to be where a lot of relationships fail... because they're not having their needs met, and therefore not satisfied in their relationship. D/s allows you to quickly get deep inside the other person (get your mind out of the gutter, Vic), to get to know them from the inside out, and I think that's the big difference. And maybe that's why there's that almost instant attraction that Jerome mentioned. Anyway, moving on...

5. What about the collaring commitment ceremony? How was yours different from a wedding?

Well, I haven't had a collaring ceremony... yet. I want one. God, I want it so badly. Ever since I learned about what collars mean, I've wanted to be the person being collared. To me, the collar is a symbol of submission, of how the sub is giving themself over to another person. It's a sign of their loyalty and commitment. But it's also the dom saying that this sub belongs to them, that they'll protect them and care for them, and give the same loyalty and commitment in return. To me, the collar is symbolic of the vows the dom and sub make to each other, and in that way it's exactly like a wedding.

That said, I've never been big on weddings. They're too over-the-top for me. I would want something simple - an exchange of vows and the collaring... followed by the celebrations, of course.

Is there anything else that you want to say about this matter?

I've got nothing else to add, except that this has all been a wonderful experience. I only wish I had come to the realisation that I was a sub earlier in my life. But I'm glad that I've had this chance. It's like I've finally realised who I am, and who I want to be. And no damn ocean is going to stop me from getting what I want. You hear me, Ocean!? *listens for a reply* Yeah, it hears me. The ocean is totally quaking in its boots.








And to that I have to say, you're very right Daniel, no damn ocean is going to stop us. (Yeah, The Dom can wax poetic sometimes too)


Told you, best post this week.






Happy Spankingz,




(Vic)
The Dom

The Dom/sub Relationship as a Marriage/Partnership Part Three

Our favorite "cutest sub ever", Kat, is our blogger today. I gave her the same questions and she answered with honesty, humor and the little touch of adorability that we've come to expect from her.


I think you'll like her view of the Dom/sub relationship as a marriage/partnership just as much as I did. Even The Dom said "Awww."


Enjoy!






1. When did you know that you wanted to be a Dom/sub?

I was 17 when my then girlfriend asked me quite bluntly ‘You are a
sub, aren’t you? I went all defensive not knowing what it really
meant, afraid that she had insulted me somehow... but she introduced
me to a Dom she knew and he was very indulgent with me answering the
thousand questions I had and couldn’t find answers to in the internet.
After a while he gave me the task to write an essay about myself what
I want in life, what I want to feel, how I feel about myself and so
on...
He agreed to take me on in training if I was able to answer his
questions to his satisfaction. In writing this essay I was forced to
face myself, to think about myself, to reflect and to consider what I
wanted. Shortly after my 18th birthday I started training with him. It
was difficult at times, confusing, terrifying of sorts but also
liberating. I was forced to face some truths about myself and in doing
so I was able to find my true self, to find a person under all this
layers I never knew that was there before. With every day I trained
with him, every praise, every posture I learned, with every
understanding I found I learned more about myself and I learnded to
embrace the person I am – I am a submissive and I am happy and proud
to be.

2. What is your take on Doms and subs who are also partners outside of a scene?

In my early years as sub I wanted to play, I wanted to submit, serve
and over all have fun in what I did. I guess I was too young to be
serious about a relationship and the thought of a commitment terrified
me. I went to clubs, I played with different Doms but there was no one
I wanted to be with on a more permanent basis. I guess I was
drifting...
But I met a lot of different people during that time and I met Doms
and their subs who were in loving relationships and I started to
wonder. I wanted to know more about the connection they had, about
their love and understanding and I started to become more open towards
the thought of a relationship with a Dom outside the scene. I changed
my opinion from ‘no way, never’ to ‘this is something I want’. I
started to see more clearly what was between them  because you can
notice when a Dom and his sub have a relationship in ‘real life’ too,
you can see that there is a deeper connection and  understanding
between them.
When I started out with my former Dom I began to imagine how it would
be to be his 24/7, to live with him, to serve and care for him, to be
protected, loved and cared for by him. I liked the thought of being
his only sub, the only one to receive all the gentle care and
affection, to be the only one he flogged, whipped and played with. It
was wonderful, fulfilling and until he passed away a very balanced and
happy relationship.

3. When did you know that you wanted your Dom/sub to become your partner?

When I came to live with Sir and Lucas, who is Sir’s other sub, I was
too hurt and scared to even think about a new relationship. I needed
time to heal and Sir knew that and he gave me the perfect balance
between his rules and expectations and my need for freedom. I’ve been
staying with Sir and my fellow sub Lucas for two years which were good
years of learning, healing and generally growing as a sub, when I
noticed a change in Sir’s affection towards me. I had started to fall
in love with him at the end of our first scene together which took
place a year after I came to live with Sir.
It took us a little bit longer to admit to our feelings but I had
known and hoped for quite a while that I was supposed to be his sub
together with Lucas. When Sir finally told me he loved me and collared
me that was the happiest day of my life...
(LOL I’m crying here... *happy tears*)

4. What do you think is the biggest difference between a D/s
marriage/partnership and one between two people who aren't in the
Lifestyle?

Pheww.... that’s difficult for me to say, I really don’t know much
about “normal” relationships I never had one before. I guess in a D/s
relationship you have a much deeper connection, the whole relationship
is based on a trust; you have a connection and understanding which
runs really deep. As a sub you know where you are standing because you
have a clear definition of your role in the relationship, you know
exactly what is expected. I give myself completely over to Sir and he
cherishes the trust I give him by giving me his protection.
It’s something you are missing in a non-D/s relationship... so I think
the difference lies in the basic understanding how the relationship is
defined.

5. What about the collaring commitment ceremony? How was yours
different from a wedding?

I’ve been to some collaring ceremonies before, some were huge events,
some were smaller and more private, and some Doms presented their
subs, showed how wonderfully they submitted. But all of them took the
collaring ceremony very seriously and all of them were so proud of
their subs. In my opinion this is one of the best parts of the
ceremony when you can see how happy the Dom is to collar his sub
forever, how proud he is that this man or woman who they resolve their
life around now finally and forever agreed to become his.
I loved my collaring ceremony I could talk hours about it, it was so
great, the happiest day of my life. I always start crying when I think
about it.

(don’t laugh Vic!!!)

I wanted something small and simple, just Sir, Lucas and me. Sir had
me kneel in the living room, showed me my collar and then told me what
it meant for us, that it's a symbol of our commitment to each other,
of respect, trust and love, that this collar means that we will be
together for a lifetime. As he said during the ceremony 'I take you on
as mine, to protect you, love you, cherish you, care for you, I'll
give you the freedom you search by enabling you to give me your
submission. You make me stronger by giving me your strength, trust,
love and I feel honoured to take it'. It was so wonderful because it
was like us becoming one for all times.
Sir takes this very seriously for him collaring a sub for a lifetime
is like marrying him or her, that’s why Lucas and I are also wearing a
ring Sir gave us. Mine matches my collar and symbolizes that I am not
only Sir’s sub but also his wife.

Is there anything else that you want to say about this matter?
Not really, I am happy :)








Happy Spankingz!


The Dom

The Dom/sub Relationship as a Marriage/Partnership Part Two

Today's Guest Blog is by Jerome T. and Jamie T. A Dom/Sub couple who have been married for about 3 years, but have been together for over 10.

Jerome was also my mentor (and is currently deployed and serving our country overseas) and Jamie was the first sub that I was ever with.

So without further ado, here's the take on the Dom/sub relationship as a Marriage/Partnership from a couple who is actually living it currently.

Jerome T. and Jamie T.'s Viral Interview

1. When did you know that you wanted to be a Dom/sub?

Jamie: I grew up surrounded by it. My mother was a sub and my father was her Dom. They had been together for ten years before they decided to get married and then after they got married they had me. Their relationship never seemed abnormal to me or anything, it was just how my parents were. They never did a scene in front of me, and I never really noticed anything strange or different about my parents and my friends's parents until I was 10 and realized that when I spent the night over my friends's house that none of their mothers wore a collar around their necks. I came home the next morning and asked my parents and they explained it to me. They didn't go into graphic details, they just explained that they had a deeper, more trusting, more loyal relationship because their roles were clearly established. They explained that honesty and loyalty and trust were essential for their relationship. When I turned 18 I sat down with my parents to talk with them about it again and they went into details about their roles. I knew then that I wasn't fit to try to give someone orders, to take someone's control. I wanted to give it away to someone. I wanted to belong to someone else, not as a piece of property but as a treasured being. My mother told me that she'd always known that I had "sub" tendencies and after that she sort of gave me a How to Be a Sub 101 class.

Jerome: The first time I had sex with a guy, I was 19 and the whole time I kept telling him what to do. He was doing it with no problem, but while he was a very bad lay, I realized that I was getting harder every time I'd tell him to bend over or to lick my cock or whatever and that it turned me on to sort of dominate him like that. When we finished, or rather when he finished and I jerked off on his back thinking about Vin Diesel, he told me that he hadn't realized that I was such a Dom. I knew some guys from the club who were always talking about these alternative clubs down in Ybor, so I got them to take me to a couple. I figured out that I was a Dom by just watching a few of the D/s couples. I knew I'd probably bite someone if they tried to make me kneel in front of them, but I also knew that being the person who ordered someone to kneel appealed to me a lot. So I hung around talked to a few people found out about this Dom/sub group in town, got involved with them, learned from watching other Doms fuck up their subs. Learned by watching subs fuck up their Doms (because yeah that's possible to do as well). It wasn't too long before I went out and found a sub of my own.

Jamie: And it wasn't me. It was some skinny twink, whose name shall never be uttered again. But who introduced you to me.

Jerome: Yeah, it took me three subs and two years before Jamie finally agreed to be mine forever. Happiest day of my life.

2. What is your take on Doms and subs who are also partners outside of a scene?

Jamie: In my opinion, when they're in a scene they're stronger and move better together and then we're they're out of a scene they're stronger and move better together. Arguments don't typically happen as much or they aren't as volatile when the Dom and the sub are partners out of a scene. But I think the biggest thing is that the love that they have for each other becomes so interwoven and so tightly strung together that it's impenetrable.  I know that nothing can or will ever come between me and Jerome. He's my big Dominant Chocolate Teddy Bear.

Jerome: Yeah, what Jamie said. I know for me, I can always look at a couple and tell if they're partners outside of it. Their love and need for each other is almost visible. Like you can reach out and touch it. It's real cool man.



3. When did you know that you wanted your Dom/sub to become your partner?

Jamie: By the end of our first scene I knew that I wanted Jerome for a longer time frame than just that one time, but I had other Doms that I "played" with and plus Jerome didn't seem the type that was ready to settle down. But the more scenes we did together the less I wanted to be with anyone else. Then one night he called me over, but not to play or to do a scene, he took me out to dinner and dancing and then at the end of the night all he did was kiss me on the forehead and then left. That was when I knew that he was supposed to be mine.

Jerome: I fell in love with the Jamie by the end of our first scene. I came so hard that I was shaking. I could hardly talk and all I wanted to do was wrap him in my arms and never let go, so I did the next best thing, I found a few more subs and started playing around, but none of them made me cum like Jamie did, none of them made me feel like Jamie did. I started having dreams about him. Started seeing him everywhere I went. I thought he was stalking me and then I thought he was haunting me. I heard he had other Doms and I was livid like a rabid pit bull. I was talking to a friend of mine just angry as shit and he pointed out to me that Jamie wasn't mine to be feeling like that about him and I yelled out that he was mine and no one was allowed to touch him. That was when I knew. I also knew I had to sort of date him and shit because he wasn't going to go for it any other way. So that's what I did. But I was already in love with him while making sure that he was in love with me.

Jamie: I didn't know that baby. I'm trying not to cry over here.

Jerome: Damn, you're such a queen sometime sweetheart.

Jamie: You're probably crying too jack ass.

Jerome: I'll jack your ass.

******************Yeah, let me step in and say that I had to cut out the rest of this part.**************************


4. What do you think is the biggest difference between a D/s marriage/partnership and one between two people who aren't in the Lifestyle?

Jamie: A lack of imagination?

Jerome: No, this is a trick question, is the answer....spreader bars?

Jamie: (clapping) Good answer baby, good answer.

Jerome: Survey says!

Jamie: Okay, seriously, Vic to answer your question. I think that the biggest difference is that when you're in a D/s relationship everything is heightened. The emotions, the experiences, all of it. Because everything is on a deeper level in a D/s relationship. And everything is 100%. A Dom is giving 100% of himself to his sub and the sub is giving 100% of his control and his freedom to his Dom. I haven't really had any relationships outside of the Lifestyle, so I don't really have much to base this on, but a lot of relationships that aren't in the Lifestyle don't have that. Emotions seem to start on the surface and then become deeper in a "normal" relationship. But in a D/s relationship, everything starts deep and then just gets deeper. I think that's why D/s relationships and marriages tend to last so long, because it's so much about learning the deep stuff of each other, the inner workings of their mind, their emotions and feelings and fears and deep seeded desires and then digging a little deeper.

Jerome: And playing off of what Jamie said, which I completely agree with Baby Jay,

Jamie: Thanks sweetheart.

Jerome: You're welcome. With a D/s relationship, you never stop digging. In most "normal" relationships, people just stop. When they get engaged, when they get married, after they hear "I love you" for the first time, they just stop digging deeper, they stop searching for that inner place in their partner(s). In a D/s relationship you understand that you're never supposed to stop digging, never supposed to stop searching. As human beings we are always growing, changing and shifting, if you stop digging then you'll be looking for the old man that you fell in love with and not seeing the new man that he's evolved into.

Vic: Damn, Jerome, that was deep dude. Can I put that in my book?

Jerome: Hell yeah. You talking about "Mark Me"? The one with you and that dude. Your LC sub?

Vic: Yeah. And he's not my LC yet.

Jerome: He will be. Just don't stop digging and he will be.



5. What about the collaring commitment ceremony? How was yours different from a wedding?

Jamie: You were there! You could answer this question without us!!

Vic: Just answer the damn question Jamie before I tell Jerome to make you take out your damn plug.

Jamie: (sticks out tongue) I don't know that our ceremony was completely different from a wedding, because we were getting married at the same time that we were doing the collaring ceremony. We had decorations, streamers, etc. I think the biggest difference outside of Jerome putting the collar on me was the fact that we didn't have too much of the extra frivolousness. No one sang at our wedding.

Jerome: Even though we tried to get you to Vic.

Vic: Nope, ain't doing it. Maybe at my own I will.

Jerome: Bastard.

Vic: Your mama.

Jamie: EXCUSE ME! I was having a moment here!

Jerome: Are you yelling at me?

Jamie: No sir.

Jerome: Okay then, finish what you were saying baby.

Jamie: But outside of all of that, our collaring ceremony was pretty much like a wedding. It WAS a wedding. It's just that we got to the vows a lot quicker. It was a bigger level of commitment and vows of loyalty and compassion and understanding. When you're in a D/s relationship you see the worst of your partner almost at the beginning of the relationship, I think that goes a long way towards crafting a deeper, more emotionally strong relationship, so when you're having a collaring ceremony it's a deeper, more emotional commitment. I know that during our ceremony it was so much more than just me marrying the man that I loved. I was marrying my Dom, my sir, the man who had promised to take care of me, the man who had been taking care of me. I was pledging my life, my love and eternal devotion to someone I'd already pledged my control, my freedom, my will and my decisions to. I was pouring the rest of me that he didn't already have, into him and our lives together. I think that's the biggest difference.

Jerome: I felt the same way. Here was this man who my life was already so wrapped around, you know? My every breath and my very existence was to be Jamie's Dom, he'd changed his name to be with me, he'd been freely giving me his control for years, but for me, selfish asshole that I am, I wasn't satisfied with just that. I wanted all of him. Every single part. And one thing that not a lot of people know, and it's not true for every Dom, but it is true for a lot of us, it doesn't take too many scenes for us to know whether the person we're with will only ever be a sub to us or if one day that person, that sub, could be THE ONE for us. We know from talking to them, from how we feel when the scene is over. It only takes a few for us. Doms can fall just as hard for a sub as a sub can fall for a Dom. So here I am during this ceremony and I'm pledging my life to someone I'd already given my heart and soul to. Because that's what we do as Doms, we pour ourselves into our subs, but the ones that we collar? Those are the ones that we're pouring our souls into and we all hope that one day the person that we're pouring our souls into will return the favor and give us their soul in return. So when we have that collaring commitment ceremony, which is so much different than just a regular collaring, we're receiving the soul of the person that we've already given our soul to, we're being made whole again. We're becoming one Dom, one sub for all time and I think that's what makes the ceremony different from a wedding ceremony. A wedding is two people joining their lives and becoming one unit, two separate entities moving toward the same goal. A collaring ceremony is two halves of the same whole declaring to all that they moved as one now.

Vic: Like one grounded and the other one flying?

Jerome: Exactly like that.

Is there anything else that you want to say about this matter?

Jamie: Not that I can think of.

Jerome: Nope I'm all good except to say that a collaring ceremony is precious and sacred. Doms take it very seriously and subs take it seriously as well, or atleast they should. People shouldn't scoff at that, because for us? It's just like a wedding ceremony.

Jamie: But better.

Jerome: Definitely better.

Thank you to Jerome and Jamie for agreeing to the interview!

The rest of the week we'll hear from our favorite subs on this same matter.

Happy Spankingz,

The Dom