So You Want to Be a Sub (Part One)

It's the second day in our: "So You Want to..." series and it's the first part of our "So You Want to Be a Sub?" part of the series.

Our Adorable Sub, Kat has provided today's questions (b/c let's face it, who could help you better understand being a sub than Kat?). We've got more than 5, but they're still really good. So look over them and enjoy and if you answer yes to most of them that's great! If you have any questions you can ask us and we will answer them to the best of our ability.

1. What do you expect from your partner?
2. Do you object on getting orders? Or is it a need/turn on/desire?
3. Pain? Turn on or not? Want to be punished/mix pleasure and pain?
4. Being orderd to kneel, ok or no way?
5. The need to please your partner, desire or obligation?
6. Want to let your significant other rule your life?
7. Does it make you happy to obey?
8. Can you put s/o's desires, needs, wishes over your own?
9. Are you able to step back and let your partner lead you?
10. It's not all about pain and punishment but also about serving, caring, giving yourself over. Want that?

-The Adorable Sub

Happy Spankingz!!

The Dom

So You Want to Be a Dom (Part One)

So I've been getting a lot of tweets, emails, messages, etc. from people asking me how I knew that I was a Dom, how to be a Dom or in reverse how to be a sub.

Well, I only "played" at being a sub when I first started out in the Lifestyle, as a way of discovering if I was really made to be a Dom, but I've got some great sub friends, and an awesome sub myself, who can answer those questions.

So for the next few weeks, we here on the Poker, Sex, Doms & Toys blog are going to help you understand more about being a Dom, sub, vers, going to a BDSM club or even having anal.

Today's bit:

So You Want to be a Dom: Part One.

You're with your partner and you're having fun. Maybe you're fucking them or they're fucking you, either way, something just feels...wrong. Something's missing from this lovely sexual encounter. Something needs to be done to make you feel more aroused than you already do.

What could it possibly be?

Here are Five Things/Ways to help get you started to recognizing if you're a Dom or not:

1. Does the thought of being in control in the bedroom make you more aroused? Do you fantasize about telling your partner what to do and when?
2. Do you ever have the urge to tie up your partner? To have them at your mercy sexually? To cum only when you tell them that they can?
3. Do you ever want to bend your partner over and spank them? To see their ass turn red and know that it's because of you? (And yes, everyone's ass, white, black, Hispanic, Native American, Asian, etc. at some point will turn red if you spank it hard enough)
4. Do you ever have the urge to take care of your partner? Is your entire being focused on them? Not just making sure that they get off during the encounter, but making sure that they are changed in some way by every encounter?
5. Does the thought of being submissive or taking on a role of submission, being the one receiving orders turn you off?

If you answered yes to all five of these, then odds are, you're a Dom (Yay for you!)

If you answered yes to any of these you can be "Vers" or you could just be someone who is not locked down into the Lifestyle, but enjoys certain aspects of it, which is fine.

This is not the full list, of course not, because if it was we'd have a lot more Doms running around all over the place. But this is the first 5 and the most important five. Especially #4.

Tomorrow we'll do part one of "So You Want to be a Sub", so make sure you join us for that!

Happy Spankingz!

The Dom

One of My Favorite Scenes

I'm going to spend the entire post sharing one of my favorite scenes with two of my favorite subs. I'm not going to share everything, but I'm going to give you all a glimpse into my world as a Dom, okay? I'm changing their name b/c I can and plus to protect their privacy.


I met Amy and Trevor through Jerome. He had been Amy's Dom before she married Trevor, who is an officer in the military. Amy thought that since Trevor was in the service and an officer that that meant he was Dom...he was not.

So Jerome introduced them to me, because of the fact that I love having two subs, but because I love helping marriages and relationships strengthen in order to cut down on divorce and break-ups (as is evidenced by this thread). So, when I first talked to Amy and Trevor the first thing I asked them was what was their safe word.

Amy: Pineapple.
Trevor: You're allergic to Pineapple.
Amy: That's why it's my safe word.
Trevor: Okay then, Nuts, since I'm allergic to nuts.

I tried not to laugh, I really did. I actually had to lower my head, because when he said he was allergic to nuts, my mind sprinted into the gutter and I almost said "God I LOVE the taste of nuts in my mouth." Hehehe.

Anyway, Amy, Trevor and I found out what was completely off limits for them.

Amy: Humiliation.
Trevor: I don't want anyone pissing on me or taking a dump on me.
Me: Eeww, gross.
Amy: Yeah, that for me too.

So we decided that we'd give it a try. We all pulled out our day planners to figure out when we'd get together to have a "scene." Amy and Trevor had three kids, so we were going to have to get together when the kids were in school and Trevor could come home from the base on lunch or when he had one of those rare days off.

Our very first scene I only brought my paddle and restraints and three plugs (remember I had a female, they have two holes). We didn't get into much, but I did get a chance to see exactly what they liked and what they didn't. Trevor loved to be spanked, Amy loved being tied up.

My favorite scene was the one in which I got to use a switch, a cane, a paddle, my flogger, and best of all Little Big Vic (*tear*) on the both of them and then watch as they made love with each other. I would sometimes have them tied up side by side, that day I tied them to each other. The next morning I asked them what they thought about the scene before. The different scenes I'd used, the fact that they were tied together. I asked them if they thought I'd gone too far with using the different toys all over their body. How they felt about the nipple clamps and me spanking their nipples while they were clamped at the same time.

I asked how they felt about all of the marks on their body, especially the ones that I'd put on their asses and the spanking that I'd given their genitals. They loved it. They loved the moment when I sat on the other side of the room and then talked Trevor into spanking Amy and then when I held onto Amy's head as she gave Trevor a blowjob. Trevor even loved it when I was in him while he was in Amy.

That next morning is when they both told me that they'd never felt as close with each other as they had that night before. It was amazing, for all three of us. I was so sad to see them move to Washington a few months after that.

The Dom/sub relationship is one that is about more than just discipline and rules and guidelines and safe words, it's about feeling and emotion and all of the people involved becoming better versions of themselves. Each person involved helps the other, give and take is involved for everyone and best of all, if done right, everyone gets off in some way.

Hugz, Squeezes, and Spankings!

The Dom